Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Why is it…

When you’re a teenage girl, you hear lesson after lesson about how you should be discerning about who you date and who you marry. How you shouldn’t settle. Be selective. Wait for the person God has chosen for you.

In college you hear even more lessons about how you should be wise when choosing a mate. Marriage isn’t easy and shouldn’t be taken lightly. To be careful to choose someone you are compatible with personality-wise and spiritually.

In your twenties, people praise you for taking your time. They tell you how much work marriage can (and you’re starting to see first-hand proof from some of your friends who have already married). They tell you to enjoy your single years…that there is plenty of time to be married. Take your time. Find the right person.

THEN you reach your thirties and all of a sudden, everyone seems to retract all that advice they gave you when you were younger. They begin to almost force marriage on you. They start deciding to fix you up with any male they know realively close to your age (or in some cases MUCH older) because if your over 30 and single, then you must automatically be a perfect match. They tell you if your not married yet, you’re being too picky. They also begin to point out every little fault you have…which seems odd to me because I know lots of people who are train wrecks that are married. I am by no means under some dilussion that I am without flaw, but obviously having personality flaws is not a deal breaker for most people.

I must say, the double standard annoys me. I hate being told I’m being too picky. I know the difference between picky and discerning. Picky is saying I won’t marry someone who doesn’t play the guitar, or doesn’t make 6 figures. Picky is saying he has to be this height and have this color of hair. DISCERNING is saying I won’t marry someone who does not treat me respectably. Who doesn’t share my faith in God. Who I don’t enjoy carrying on a conversation with, spending time with, or attracted to. And let me just say…if are aware of some of my “celebrity” crushes, then you know that I’m not looking for model-like looks. The most attractive guy I ever dated I wasn’t even interested in the first few years I knew him because he always refered to himself as a dumb jock and I don’t date dumb guys. I did eventually get to really know him and found he had an amazing heart and that was what got me (and he was NOT dumb).

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it every day until I go to my grave…I would much rather stay single for the rest of my life than to end up in a miserable marriage. And I am by no means saying that all the guys I’ve dated haven’t been good enough. I have been privelged to go out with some pretty amazing guys, but up to this point we’ve either not been right for each other or the timing just wasn’t right.

So you might be wondering what brought on this little topic of conversation today. For the last two years, I’ve had this problem with guys thinking my place of employment’s website doubles as a dating service. I get random, out of the blue emails from guys who start their email out with some work-related question and end it with personal questions and the line “maybe sometime when I’m in town we can get together.” And this question does not come after I have responded to their emails…its part of their initial email. Sometimes I respond to their work-related question and don’t address the other questions. Sometimes I ignore the email all together.

Well, there is one guy who has sent me a few emails over the last year. Yes, I realize I should be flattered, but I’m also annoyed by it. I didn’t recognize his name at first even though he said we had met, so I turned to the trusty Facebook and found his picture and knew right away who he was. Nice guy, but not my type…not even remotely.

The first time I responded to his work related question, but did not answer or address the “I’m looking for a date” questions. The second time I didn’t respond at all. Thought this took care of it. Then last night, I got yet another email from this guy and this time he didn’t even beat around the bush. He flat out said he wanted to know if he could email me so that we could become friends and see if it leads to something more. Not knowing how to respond to this (because I don’t want to be rude, but I really don’t appreciate being put on the spot like that) I said something to someone and their comment was “You shouldn’t be so picky.”

So why is it that married people get to be selective about who they married, but us single girls over 30 have to just take whatever comes a long? Just say’in.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Hello Spring

My back yard February 1, 2011

This is how much snow we got in less than 24 hours.

A view of the front porch.

And THIS is my backyard on Wednesday!

Even more tulips came up this year (with one random yellow one...hope that means more yellow ones next year).  And the phlox has tripled in size from last year!  Yeah!  I love it when my perennials are actually perennial!  This picture makes me happy. ;o)

Monday, March 21, 2011

Is This Worth It?

Right now I’m wondering why the world I decided to go back to school.

My current class is challenging (and not in a good way). 35% of my grade depends on a group project and so far, only one of my group members (besides me) has attempted to communicate with the rest of the group. We have an assignment that we are supposed to do together this week (online) and so I’m starting to get a little nervous.

Then last week, I found out that two of my classes had been scheduled at the exact same time and instead of being 7-8 weeks like the rest, they were now 5 weeks. Thankfully, when I emailed the school to see if one of them would be offered again before next summer, they gave me the option of replacing it with another course.

Then I discovered today that tuition fees have gone up by almost $400 per class, so now I have to try to get a $1,300 increase on my student loan…which has me somewhat panicked because there is no guarantee that I will be able to find a job right away after I finish. And it’s looking less and less likely that finding a job that won’t require a move to a new state will be possible. Which then gets me to thinking about all the stuff that would need to be done to my house before I could sell… AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

When I try to pray about it, I start thinking about it, and I start to panic all over again.

So I find myself sitting here wondering what in the world I was thinking going back to school?  Do I think its worth it?  Ask me in a year.