Am I On Candid Camera?

This was by far the craziest, weirdest, you name it, weekend I think I’ve had in a really long time (if ever). It definitely deserves a shout out on my blog.


The Tire

This weekend, I went with a group from our Singles Ministry to Tahlequah, OK to float the Illinois (the “s” is silent by the way) River. This is an annual event and unlike past years, the weather and river were actually perfect for floating. With the exception of my quick exit on what turned out to be the wrong exit, the drive down was uneventful until right before Suzy and I reached the Tahlequah/Muskogee exit. For some unknown reason, I all of a sudden got a flat tire. I was very fortunate though, because it happened right as we were coming up on an exit, so I was able to get off the highway and pull over someplace that didn’t have a lot of traffic. I get out of my car and yes, I did have a flat tire.

Problem was, my dad never would show me how to change a tire because he said that I would always have a man around to do it. Now I was never naïve enough to believe this, but he wasn’t going to show me how and I guess I never thought to ask any of my guy friends or boyfriends. Anyway, we had just had some friends pass us right before this happened, so we called them and they turned around and came back to help us. I think I would have been able to figure it out on my own, but I couldn’t get the lug nuts off. Thankfully Chris had a T-iron and was able to get them off and put my spare tire on for me.

So, spare tire intact, we proceed to continue our journey to the War Eagle Resort just outside of Tahlequah. Since it was after 9:30, Wal-Mart’s automotive center was already closed, so we just decided to stop by there on our way back from the river before we headed home. Bad choice. Had I been a wise woman, I would have gotten up early and taken my car to Tahlequah BEFORE we floated and picked it up on our way back through town. But NOOOO, it was just a flat tire. How long could it take Wal-Mart in Tahlequah to fix a flat tire? The answer to that question…3 hours. But what makes it worse, is that Suzy and I opted to not take a shower before we left the river, so we looked BEAUTIFUL to say the least. We did fit in with the locals though, so it wasn’t so bad.

So here is the ultimate question…what do you do for 3 hours in a Wal-Mart in Tahlequah, OK? Answer…eat in the snack bar and buy nail polish remover, a nail file and toe nail clippers and give yourself a pedicure. =) Oh yes, I have officially crossed the line into white-trashdome. Thankfully we were out of Tahlequah by 7:21 p.m. on Saturday and were basically incident free the rest of the way home.


Ultimate Redneck Vacation

I cannot in good conscience write on my blog without making mention of the observations I had on the river this weekend. I have floated the Illinois many, many times in my life and though I have been aware of this fact in the past, it never really hit home till this weekend. Floating the Illinois River is the ultimate redneck vacation. Oh to have a video to post of what we saw! I just can’t even begin to put into words what we experienced, but let me try:

1) You have women in bikinis that frankly, the person who sold them that bikini should be arrested for inflicting cruel and unusual punishment on the rest of the world.
2) When it comes to tattoos, some people need to learn the concept that “less is more”. It’s almost like they can’t stand to have an inch of skin not covered with ink. Why?
3) Old skanky men with much younger skanky women. I know the world isn’t lacking in skanky men, so why do these women feel the need to hook up with men old enough to be their grandfathers. It’s not like these men are sugar daddies or anything. The most they’ll be leaving behind when the pass from this world is their run down trailer in the trailer park. Why bother?
4) Frat boys. I must say the river had a large number of frat boys this time. The incident that really got me were the group of boys who stood on a bank discussing how they were going to get women to show them their chests. Yes, they were putting a lot of thought into this. I think what they decided on was this “Hey ladies (pause, pause, pause) show us your tits!” And who ever said college boys never grow up?
5) Beer. Lots and lots of beer. I think we were the only ones on the river not under the influence of something. The only thing scarier than intoxicated people in boats is the thought that eventually, all of these intoxicated people would be getting off the river and driving home.


Mark

Now to a subject that has nothing to do with Tahlequah at all. Some of you may have heard about this guy that I was sort of seeing a few years ago named Mark. Some mutual friends really thought we needed to meet, so they gave him my email address and we proceeded to email and call regularly for 7 months before we actually met. What’s funny is that he lives here in Edmond, so distance didn’t have anything to do with us taking so long to meet. But by time we did, we knew each other pretty well and seemed to hit it off. We went out a couple of times and things seemed to be going well. To make a long story short, he traveled a lot with his job, so he called me one night to say he was going to be out of town for the next few weeks, but wanted to know if I wanted to go do something when he got back and I told him sure, just give me a call when he got back. That was the last time I talked to him on the phone. I got a few half-hearted email responses after that, but that was it. Since I decided I had better things to do with my life, I just quit emailing him and hadn’t heard from him since.

Then yesterday, I was sitting in church and this family walked in late and sat in front of me. I didn’t really pay any attention to them till I got up to leave and noticed that the guy was Mark! The woman he was with had a son about 6 or 7, so I knew it wasn’t his child and the way she introduced him, I could tell they weren’t married. I am pretty sure he recognized me because he looked like a deer in the headlights when our eyes met. I turned really quick and started talking to Lindsy (which by the way Lindsy, this is why what ever I was saying to you was extremely distracted and probably made no sense). Well, that answers my question of whether or not he was still in the area. =)