Thursday, July 07, 2005

Giving Up Control

“Most people I know who live free have experienced a serious stronghold or hindrance they fought to overcome. They usually appreciate and apply victory more readily because they’ve experienced the misery of defeat firsthand. I rarely meet people who have come to trust God fully who haven’t also painfully confronted the fact that they can’t trust themselves.”

I have been reading book lately by Beth Moore called Breaking Free. The above was the opening paragraph to the chapter I read last night and the last sentence really hit home for me.

I have been struggling lately with wanting some changes to take place in my life, but not really sure if the changes I WANT to make are the ones God wants me to make. I have always been such a control freak that I have always struggled with truly allowing God to take control. I guess that’s why the last sentence has hit home for me because I have finally come to a point where I truly realize that I CANNOT trust myself to make the right decision about at least one of the situations that I’m facing right now (of course, truth be known, that’s probably the case with every situation I face…old habits are hard to break). I can potential positives and negatives for either choice. As difficult as it has always been for me to give up control regarding decisions that affect my life (like I ultimately have much control anyway), I think for the first time in my life, I just don’t WANT to be the one to decide. I want God’s will.

The problem now is that I want God’s will NOW. I know that in the long run, I will be happiest with God’s decision. I’m just anxious to get there and get past this stage of constantly wondering what He’s up to.

Something else I have come to realize recently that my approach in regards to one of these situations has been wrong from the very beginning. My intentions have been good, but my viewpoint has been skewed. I have been under the misapprehension that God had left the entire burden up to me to make one of these changes. Problem was I didn’t know how to go about it. So because the desired outcome didn’t come about, I was feeling like a failure. I have since come to realize that I wasn’t expected to handle it on my own and that I should have developed a better support system.

All I have to say is that I’m thankful for the gift of prayer and for God’s amazing grace!


Suzy said...

I struggle with this all the time! Don't forget I said I wanted to borrow the book, so hurry up. Just kidding.

tams said...

We did this video and workbook series in that women's connection group I hosted last fall. It was REALLY awesome and definitely pointed a big, fat arrow in my face saying, "Do you get it now?!" I'm praying for ya!