Wednesday, February 08, 2006

I Want To Be a Bought Cow

Last night I was at Chili’s with a group of friends and we were having a very “deep” conversation. One Jason was handing out dating advice to the ladies at the table. His insights were humorous and fearfully accurate I hate to say.

All of this lead to “analyzing” the a relationship of one of the girls at the table. We were giving her a hard time about not making this male in her life step up to the plate. I then jokingly added “why by the cow when you can get the milk for free.” That’s when this girl (who will remain nameless) announced, “I want to be a bought cow!”

Of course we all bust out in laughter, but it has really stuck with me. I want to be a bought cow too! I know the phrase that sparked this comment was meant to refer to “putting out”, but I think the meaning could go deeper than that.

I am guilty of making things too easy on the guys I date. I don’t express my feelings, instead I just make myself overly flexible -- almost a doormat in a sense. Too often I tend go out of my way to try to meet their needs, but don’t usually get my needs met in return. And even worse, instead of saying “hey, I need more than this from you” I just smile and nod and pretend that everything is fine because I don’t want to be one of those whiney, demanding girlfriends.

In doing this I’m almost saying “I’m giving milk (i.e. their needs) away for free.” And you know what – I’m tired of that. I’m tired of being someone’s sounding board when they need one, but getting nothing back in return. I’m really not trying to sound like the world should revolve around me. I LOVE to be generous with the people I care about. I love for them to feel like they can talk to me and that I’m there for them, but it gets tiring when you’re not getting any of it reciprocated. I believe that relationships aren’t always 50/50. Often their 80/20 and I’m okay with that as long as I’m not always the 20.

So I guess what I’m getting at is that I agree. I want to be a “bought cow!” I don’t want to be a free milk giver! Well, that is unless their intention is to butcher me. Then I’ll pass on the whole thing!


Suzy said...

Remember that Hugh Jackman/Ashley Judd movie. Someone Like You. You know....Old cow vs. new cow. You could star in a new movie with this theory as the story line.

Anonymous said...

I agree with what you said, you need to be a bought cow. But, I don't agree that relationships are 50/50. That, to me, is not correct. A good lasting relationship is 100/100. Both people giving there "all" to it. Otherwise it won't work. You can't just give half and expect your partner to give half...and it all work out. Good relationships, one worth having, need more than that. So, if one person is only giving 80 and the other is giving 100...then things aren't so bad. Because you are both giving what you have. (and that hopefully is more than half of your effort)

Just my thoughts.

lindsy said...

Sounds like I missed a good night at Chili's.

Good luck on becoming the bought cow.

Stacey said...

Suzy - If I ever get around to writing a book, this might be my title. It is definately making the book in some form.

Anonymous - I see you're point, and yes, I think both parties should always strive to put 100% into the relationship, but I work with several "marriage counselors" and they're always saying that there isn't always an equal balance, but as long as one person isn't always doing all the work, you're doing good. I don't know who you are, but thank you for thinking that I should be a bought cow! ;o)

Lindsy - yes, it will teach you to miss out on Chili's. Definately one of the funniest coversations I've had in a long time.

Jason said...

Well I have to say that it was a fun conversation, I think it definitely brings out the point that if you want something like that you have to work at it. It's easy to say I want a relationship and when someone comes along I'll have it. But what are you really doing to attain it? I'm not talking about girls asking guys out. But there are always ways to work at it, because if you say relationships take work, then it probably takes a bit of effort to start them too. unless of course, you're me.

Stacey said...

Okay Jason, what are you saying here? Obviously you did't get the jist of my post. What I'm saying is that I do ALL the work to maintain them. But no more!!! And I am not asking a guy out. I have to draw the line somewhere. If he can't take the time to ask me out, then obviously he's saying I'm not worth the effort!

tams said...

Sounds like a very insightful conversation. I, like Suzy, was reminded of that movie too. I'd like to be a cow purchased at a no exchanges / no returns / no refunds store. :)

Stacey said...

I haven't seen that movie in a long time, but I might have to make a trip to Randy's M&M soon and rent it. I liked that movie!